There’s a woman that i’ve had in my head for a while.

She moved and walked with grace.

I would always be sure to observe and take notes when I sensed she was about my way.

She was confident.

Bold.

Thoughtful.

Incised.

Creative.

& not afraid to take risks.

She had this peace, not because of herself, but because her God don’t ever miss.

She was gentle, yet shrewd.

Playful, yet focused.

Always ready to take on the day.

Thank you Lord for molding me into her, your way is above every way.

Three years ago, I was newly married and unsure of how to step into my new season. I was excited for the new adventures ahead, but I also had all of these unfinished tasks.

At the time I had:

• a space full of items from our old apartments that needed to be decluttered

• no semblance of a budget

• a laptop from my previous job that had been accidentally moved with me (lol)

• a ton of wedding thank-you cards that I needed to write and send

• a TV that was on the ground & a home that was very much giving house

& the list goes on

Unsure of where to jump in, the Holy Spirit gave me the wisdom to create a life debt list.

Life Debt: the string of unfinished tasks from previous life seasons

Very thankful for the wisdom, I opened a notes page and brain dumped all of the tasks that were incomplete. The Holy Spirit showed me that if I did beautiful things outside of my home, but my family was neglected, my life was actually out of order. Home was to be my first ministry.

So I made the list and got to work. I remember some of these tasks feeling sooo tedious.

I think I spent a few weeks writing the thank-you cards.

I had so much clutter to clear out.

At some point, while I was cleaning out a stack of papers, I found a court hearing notice (from an old ticket ) that was scheduled for THAT SAME DAY—lol.

There was definitely some organizing to be done haha. It definitely took some months, but with each task that was completed, I felt my stress lift.

I was able to think clearly and I had more focus. My attention was no longer burdened with the weight of so many unfinished tasks.

my home and life began to feel more peaceful.

I was no longer a slave to my to-do list.

It felt like freedom.

life debt list, circa 2022

Square One

Fast forward to now, I recently found myself feeling discouraged. About a month ago, I was looking at my vision board and instead of feeling inspired, I felt—sad?

The version of myself who was doing all of the things I saw on the board felt so far away. It’s one thing to look at your vision board and recognize that it’s a different season of life. It’s a very different thing to be working extremely hard and to feel like you’re making no progress.

So I prayed about it.

& the wisdom I received? again, life debt.

That season, three years ago, when I had done all of that work, had come and gone.

Since that time, we have moved and also have new roles and responsibilities that we didn’t have before.

Just like financial debt can sneak up and accumulate if you’re not careful.

So can life debt.

A busy season here, a few distractions there, you can look up and once again have an abundance of unfinished work.

Life debt divides your focus + drains your time, similarly to how financial debt divides your finances and drains your income.

It explains why I felt the way that I did when I looked at my vision board.

Despite all of my hard work, I felt like I wasn’t making progress, because maybe I wasn’t lol. Or I was, but just very slowly.

My bandwidth was divided between a laundry list of items, leaving me very little time to focus on forward progress.

The Rope

The Holy Spirit showed me that seasons of life where you are trying to transition to something new can feel like a braided rope.

Rope 1: Is the maintenance. All of the tasks that you need to maintain your baseline. Eating. Sleeping. Paying Bills. Grocery Shopping. Cooking. Talking to people lol.

Rope 2: Is the progress. Whatever that means for you. Maybe it’s writing the music the Lord put in your heart, or starting the business you have vision for. It emcompasses all of the projects and steps that you need to take to transition into the fullness of who God created you to be.

and thennnnnn you may have the life debt to deal with.

The subscription that you keep forgetting to cancel, that keeps hitting your account.

The appointment you really need to schedule, so you can finally get some bloodwork done.

The package that you really need to drop in the mail.

That closet you really need to clean out.

Ask me how I know lol.

At any given moment, you could be trying to balance all of these things.

When it’s laid out like this, it’s so easy to see why life can feel so stagnant.

Momentum requires focus, and focus requires fewer tasks.

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The Game Plan

Finding myself in this space again, this is what I’m doing to combat it.

Step one: Super simple, nothing fancy. Open a notes page and pin it to the top of your lists. Brain dump all of the unfinished tasks you have + group them if necessary. I currently have mine grouped by the 8 areas of my life (Spiritual, Physical, Financial, Occupational, Mental, Intellectual, Relational, and Environmental).

A task in the spiritual category could be finally finding the right bible reading plan that makes sense for you. A financial task, could be reviewing your finances and making a budget.

Tasks could also be grouped by location, such as home tasks and work tasks.

Or don’t group them at all, it’s truly what works for you!

Step two: Start paying off your life debt like you would financial debt. A method I really appreciate is called the snowball method.

In the financial space, using this method, they tell you to list your debts from smallest to largest. Focusing on paying off the smallest items first. This approach helps you to feel the momentum of your progress. One by one, as you pay off things, you feel your confidence and bank account grow.

I found the same goes for life debt.

Ordering your tasks from the least time-consuming to the most, helps so much with forward momentum.

The smaller tasks, such as running to the post office or responding to an email, could be completed within an hour.

The larger tasks, like decluttering your space or completing a course, may take you a little minute.

Completing the smaller tasks gives you more time, focus, and confidence for the larger ones.

Step three: Work through that list! Home from work and tempted to hop on the couch and scroll? Take a hour and work towards the life you actually want. Similar to how you would use extra money to pay off financial debt, you can use your extra time towards life debt.

I know all too well what it feels like to have a free moment, but to have so much to do that you don’t know where to start. But the list really helps with that. Organizing your tasks in this way allows for extreme clarity on how to progress when you do have that extra time.

& over time, you will find that the art is on the wall.

the counter is free from the stack of paper.

your appointments are up to date.

your space is peaceful.

& you now have more capacity to take larger strides towards purpose.

The Snowball Debt Payoff Method: How to Get Out of Debt Fast, medium.com

Debt Freedom

Life debt freedom is one of my major focuses right now.

I aspire to be less busy and more present.

Currently, there is a list of 50+ items that I am working through.

With each item I check off, I feel closer and closer to being the woman Abba has designed me to be.

& eventually, by God’s grace, the goal will be to live a life with greater levels of focus and clarity. Free time, free hands, to do more of what pleases Abba.

Much love,

Chelsi Ryan

My dog, Turbo, came into my life unexpectedly during my freshman year of high school. I had begged my parents for a dog for yearsss, but at that point, I was 15 and had just accepted that I would have to get one whenever I moved out. Then, out the blue, my mom tells me that a co-worker’s dogs had puppies and that they were so cute she had decided that we would get one.

Eyyyeee. was. shook.

MY mother. The woman who had stood ten toes down about not getting a dog, told me we would be picking ours up in a couple of weeks. I don’t remember much from that time, but I do remember feeling like it was almost like a dream. It didn’t feel real until we were driving to pick him up.

said picture that made Chenita fold lol

From then on T was my little buddy. If I was home, we were always together. If I was studying, he was at my feet. If I was on the floor doing a project, he was somewhere in the way lol. When I moved to college, struggling with the idea of leaving him at home, I unpacked my suitcase only to find his toy at the bottom.

He was literally my best friend.

We grew up together.

He was with me the morning of my high school graduation, in the way, as always, as I tried to paint my sign. He faithfully greeted me at the door when I came home for college breaks. When I moved into my first apartment post-grad, he was by my side as I learned how to cook. When I first began dating my now-husband, Justin, he gave his loving approval—after a long walk that sealed the deal. He was there the day Justin proposed to me. He was there as I planned my wedding. There when we moved into our first place and there when we moved into our first home.

He was always there.

Until he wasn’t.

A little over a week ago, I experienced what I thought was going to be one of the worst days of my life. My best friend, who had been by my side for 13 years, passed away. At one point in the day, I was running around the house. Praying for wisdom, washing his bedding, blending his food, giving him his medicine, all while making sure he was still breathing. At another point, I was at a coffee shop, receiving a call that they were performing CPR.

and then he was gone.

My best friend of 13 years was gone.

When I got the call, I let out a cry I had never heard from myself before. It didn’t feel real. Yes, he was 13, and yes, he was old. But he was seemingly healthy, until he wasn’t. Two and a half months of vet appointments and constant medication later, it was all over. I was standing in the vet parking lot, waiting for Justin to arrive, so I could say goodbye to my dog.

Yet, I felt so much peace.

What death taught me about love.

The love of God.

The thought of Turbo dying was something that I had to submit to God for yearsss. Probably close to 6. In his latter years, the question of how old he was would make me emotional, because it would remind me that one day he would no longer be here. This July, when he was diagnosed with a few different things, I began actively praying over my heart concerning all of this. There was so much unkown.

I prayed that I would have peace.

I prayed that Turbo would be healed.

I prayed that when that one day came, the process would be gentle.

and God was faithful to it all, even if it didn’t fully look like what I was expecting.

Standing there in the vet parking lot, I told Justin that of course I was sad, but that I felt so much peace. The day I had dreaded for 6 years had happened, yet I was flooded with grace.

I was able to fully experience the goodness of God. Not only the goodness that gave me the perfect gift. But the goodness that cradled me as it was taken away.

His goodness allowed his last night with us to be beautiful.

It allowed me the wisdom to prioritize feeding him his last meal over dousing him with medication.

It allowed me to slow down enough to give him one last bath.

And it allowed T to be safe and loved as he took his final breath.

I prayed that the experience would feel like getting a shot from that one experienced nurse. The one who could ask you a couple of questions, distract you from the quick pinch of the needle, and slap on a band-aid in a matter of seconds.

Abba honored it.

There was a sting, and then it was over, and the Lord guided me through it all.

Each time I felt the ache of the wound, with the band-aid as a reminder, Abba was there to love me through it all.

If you’ve never experienced this grace before, it can sound like toxic positivity. “I had peaceeee” “I had graceeee” “I feel joyyyy”

But what i’m describing isn’t toxic, it’s fruit.

I can’t sit here and put words to how or why other than what the bible promises.

I should have felt hopeless and distraught, but I was flooded with peace and joy.

Of course there have been waves of emotions, but when they come, I don’t drown in them; and I take so much comfort in that.

I truly learned that His love stretches from my highest of highs to my lowest of lows.

He anchors it all.

The love within marriage.

I don’t have a lot of experience with death. So when it happened, I had no choice but to be totally and completely raw, exposed, and unfiltered. There is nothing aesthetic about mourning. Laughing in one moment and then crying at the sight of an empty syringe. Laughing at videos and then questioning if you would ever see him again.

It is vulnerable.

It is often out of your control.

It exposes the foundation of your relationship, which I’m so thankful was love.

I recently heard someone say that you want to marry the person that you can have your worst day with, and that couldn’t have been truer.

In that moment, the florals at our wedding didn’t matter.

Going on a cute date didn’t matter.

The color of our walls or that new rug I wanted didn’t matter.

The fluff didn’t matter; the love did.

In all of the noise that often surrounds modern dating, what I have found to be true is to choose the person you want to be in the valley with. Not just the mountain.

The one who loves you through.

The love of life.

After T passed away, I spent a lot of time scrolling through years of footage. Feeding him his favorite food, Turbo greeting Justin after work, walks outside, and random days in the living room.

I didn’t know that some of the best days of my life would be so ordinary.

Not the curated moments that were posted on the gram, but the rhythms of life when we were all together.

After T passed, some of the things I wanted suddenly felt so silly.

It felt like none of it mattered.

What I’m learning is that the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

That there is nothing wrong with having desires, but we are often unknowingly already living within our vision board.

I don’t want to spend so much of my life chasing what I think I want, only to look back and realize I already had everything I wanted.

One of the best days of my life was a day I can’t fully remember. Justin, T, and I were all chilling in our old apartment. We pulled out a heater for T because he was king of being comfortable lol, and we were all together, that was really it. I can’t remember what we talked about, what we ate, what I wore. I mainly remember what it felt like, love.

This experience is teaching me that life feels best when I am doing what I love with the people I love, for the one who IS love.

The stuff and the fluff really doesn’t matter, it’s often a distraction from what does.

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Overall, I am overwhemingly grateful for the 13 beautiful years I had T by my side.

He was such a blessing.

I love you so much Bubby, rest well.

Thank you for teaching me about love <3